Silence gradually destroys commitment, it gives some gap that stretches to the extent until the relationship or marriage is cut off. In some relationships or marriages, alot of partners uses silent treatment or negative words with their partner which ends up inflicting pains on either one of the partner or both partners. [MUST READ 5 Mistakes Singles Make In Attracting A Wrong Partner].
A True Life Story – I was 22 years when i met a guy of 26years; we got dating for almost 5 years. He had a misplaced temper that he couldnot control, i was thinking of his temper which i knew i wouldnt be able to cope but i loved him and tried managing for a while until one day the organization he was working for gave him a suspension because he had a fight with a colleague when he got back i tried talking to him about it and he held me really strong not to ever intervene with his life, i was furious but was detaching from him gradually, because we were engage in the 4th year of our relationship so i was mostly at his place, he got irritated by everything i do or say… then i got thinking and i asked myself what have i gained since i have been struggling with his temper and what have i lost? The truth is i couldnot place it but woke up one day and told him I couldnot cope anymore with the relationship then i left. He didnt look for me until after 7days he reported the issue to my elder brother and i was surprised on all i heard, i sensed he was hurt that i let go but i left and felt it more and i didnt pick his calls or talk to him anymore. [ DONT MISS the 2 Ways to deal with Denial].
From this story – The lady was already detaching from him unknowingly to the guy, it was not showing in her actions until when she was ready to show it.
[READ The 3 Positive Reasons To Split Your Tears].
Silent breakup can occur in 3 forms which is very common in a relationship or a marriage :
- Silent treatment : Silent kills and when this occurs in a relationship or marriage; its mostly as a result of not being able to coordinate their differences; some partners like to be alone to cool off their head when they are angry but they do not stay too long to reconcile with their partner; sometimes they reconcile the same day or the next day, but the silent treatment robs both partners from the usual things they used to do. It scatters the intimacy between the partners gradually; it further kills communication until the last stage where they cannot hold onto each other but to let go. [Quote : Excrete heartbreak and inject joy into your life].
- Negative Words : Some partners are very bad at using words; when they are angry what comes out more from their mouth is mostly negative or abusive words, there is power in the tongue but if you cant be in control when angry, the words you speak are stored in the memory of your partner; if the words are so unbearable then your partner would keep remembering and this may reduce their feelings in the relationship. Every one on earth loves appreciation more than abusive words. Negative or abusive words from a woman to a man rips off his manhood while from a man to a woman it make her feel emotionally down and all the abusive words reduces the exploitation of potentials from both partners. A True Life Experience – I am married for the past 8years; my husband abuses me anywhere at anytime, alot of pastors and family members have talked to him while he promised to change and have been enduring. We went for a wedding and we got talking …just at the venue he poured the wine in the cup on my body, it was the most embarrassing situation of my life, he apologized sincerely afterwards i forgave him but i didnt let go then i had it mind i would leave someday; some months later we had a calm discussion on changing our son’s school then he carried the side table then broke the TV. He apologised and went to work but before he got home i left with my son and wrote a letter to him.
- Stretch Thought: When silent breakup occur in this context, it usually works with the mind, the mind detects the issue, try to profer solution and if the mind concludes to break it off, it may definitely break off. The thought starts in the mind and process by the action seen to take a stand. Stretch thought takes a while because a partner would need to go through it sometimes over and over again before making a decision. A true life experience – I met a lady i really loved so much and i never really knew how she lived her life in the past, i planned to settle down with her not until my brother met her and i got struck by his comments; he knew my lady back in the school and how she was sleeping with married men for money, he proved it in a picture but i asked my lady who later confirmed that it was in her past, i couldnt get over it while my mind was off everything, i didnt want to see her again but didnt know how to say it but whenever she calls i hardly pick that sometimes she may call me like 20times; I already detach myself from the relationship in my mind but she would come around to talk to me about it and all of that. I decided to pack out from where i used to live so it would be hard for her to trace me. Some of my friends suggested i tell her but if i do tell her i may find myself in her arms again, i needed to be a man and gradually let go. After so much pest from her i told her i needed a break, she got begging that she is sorry for calling me severally but that wasnot the issue, the issue was her past which am very sure she felt wasnot an issue. [Quote : Heart break changes your thought and future].
Understanding the silent breakup may occur in the three listed ways above; there maybe some other ways but the listed three are the most common ways. Silent break up creates a strong enemity between partners because sometimes one party may not be able to figure out the exact reason why the partner couldnot discuss with them or why the partner break off a relationship or a marriage.
Learn to understand the silent breakup before it occurs.
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